


I'm gonna hug you

by dasbiest



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Elliot, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I blame the show tbh, Spoilers for Episode 6, god i'm bad at tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4475771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasbiest/pseuds/dasbiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>So, here we are. Hello my friends. The sirens roaring in my ears, I imagine this is what it feels like to go deaf.<em></em></em><br/>______________________________________________________________________<br/>Set after the events of episode 6. Like exactly after the events. You know what event and if not got watch the ep or else: SPOILERS</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm gonna hug you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CatRoofDance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatRoofDance/gifts).



I’m sorry.

I am sorry

I’m so sorry

Really sorry

I’m fucking sorry

I’m –

So, here we are. Hello my friends. The sirens roaring in my ears, I imagine this is what it feels like to go deaf. And the prison lights blinding me.

It’s good that I can’t see your faces. The look of disgust, I probably couldn’t recognize them anyways.

Instead there is Shayla. Her eyes are closed, her mouth standing open a bit. I can’t read anything on her, even less than usual, the blankness is more than just void, fuck, I can’t look at her I just can’t, please I –

I can still feel his hand on my neck. _Now I want you to look at Isaac._ Then my cheek. I couldn’t hear his voice, there was too much noise in my head. There still is.

I have to run. I have to because any minute the police is going to be locking the whole area down. I’m not running from her blank face, no, it has nothing to do with her. I take a few steps back, almost tripping over Isaac’s body.

I catch myself. Pull my hoody up.

Breathe.

And go.

I run. I’m not familiar with this part of the town. Then again, I never am. I memorize the maps. Straight ahead for a while. Try to avoid the escaping orange-suited men. Then I turn right, underneath that bridge. Just keep following that river until the city swallows me again.

_That is the only outcome where you have the possibility of living_ , I said to Isaac, Mr Robot’s words coming out of my mouth. Oh so smart. I heave until my ribs ache, until my lungs burn from the cold morning air. I keep running.

I wish I was panicking, but I’m just –

Just, for Shayla there hadn’t been the possibility of living, right? The moment I let her get dragged out of that restaurant she was dead.

And she knew. _Doesn’t feel real_ , she said.

Fuck, she had known all along that she wasn’t going to survive. And I told her to eat.

I feel as if there is a vacuum building up inside my chest.

Breathe.

I wish I could cry, instead I’m just numb.

There’s a subway-station to my left. I take the stairs down squinting against the neon light.

Did I make a mistake? No. I don’t make mistakes. A mistake is getting a dog when you’re barely able to take care of yourself. Forgetting to go to the bathroom before attending a long meeting is a mistake, it’s something with manageable consequences, something you can maybe even make up for. I got someone killed.

I got Shayla killed. A throbbing pain right at my temples rises. The next train is coming in half an hour. I slump down on a bench burying my hands under my thighs.

_Told you you’d get her back, bro._

The outcome, the most probable, and I didn’t believe it. Mr Robot was right all along.

I close my eyes.

_You just didn’t realize she was with you the whole time._

 

There he is, friends. Sitting on the railing again, feet dangling in the air. With weak arms I push myself up to sit next beside him. The cold metal bar presses against my butt. I squeeze the bar with both hands until it hurts, until it grounds me enough to open my eyes.

 “Aren’t you going to push me?” The wind cools my burning eyes. “At least this time I’d deserve it.”

Mr Robot doesn’t even look at me. He just shrugs and climbs off the railing. For a second he waits, as if he was trying to remember something, then he just pats my back and leaves. Of course he does.

“Please stay,” I whisper but I know he doesn’t hear me.

He never does.

But you do. Don’t you, my friends?

I am sorry, you know.

I’m sorry.

I’m just –

**Author's Note:**

> i certainly hope you enjoyed that ha, haha ... cries  
> no seriously let me know what you think because this is my first fan fiction in literally a decade and the first in english so yeah, shoot!


End file.
